Recently, I heard of a fellow who, when asked by his uncle what he had bought his wife for Valentine’s Day, said, “A belt and a bag.” His uncle replied, “That was very nice of you! I hope she appreciates the thought.” “So do I,” said the nephew. “Hopefully, the vacuum cleaner will work a lot better now.”
I love Valentine’s Day. For me, it gives me another chance to express to my wife how much I love her. I look forward to buying her things she likes (but not vacuum cleaner belts and bags…)
But, at the same time, I realize not everybody’s marriage is filled with love. For example, comedian Red Skelton tells of some of the challenges he has faced in his marriage over the years: “I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.” He went on to say, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.”
Once he asked his wife where she wanted to go for their anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time,” she replied. “So,” he says, “I suggested the kitchen.”
“Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.” Actually, you should know the Skelton’s do have a wonderful marriage.
I see part on my job as a pastor being to help people have successful relationships and happy marriages. This is one of the reasons why a few years ago, I wrote the book, Knot Happy – how your marriage can be, that was published by Tate Publishing. In it, I pointed out the Bible’s teachings on marriage: how a husband and a wife are to respond to each other. I wrote, “I believe the key to being happy though married is to understand and apply God’s prescriptions for marriage as laid down in the scriptures.”
Here are those prescriptions. First, here is what God wants from husbands: “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). I am to love my wife to the point I would be willing to die for her (that’s how much Jesus loved me and every other person in the church.) A husband sacrificially lays down his life for his wife; he loses himself for her. Even when it is difficult, he still does it. Like a potter feels around the rim of the goblet he has just fashioned to see if there are any cracks in it, so a good husband feels around the edges of his wife’s soul and tries to discover what unmet needs there are in her life. Then he goes out and does his level best to see they are met.
And here is what God wants from wives: “The wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:32.) Most men desire, even more than love, the respect and admiration of the woman they have married. When a wife lets her husband know she is proud of him and that she admires him above all other men, it gives him the emotional fuel he needs to carry on. A number of years ago, I was at a conference where a missionary couple gave a report. As the husband spoke, the wife stood by his side, looking at him with eyes filled with admiration. To this day, I recall how deeply that stirred me as I watched. Every man wants to be greatly admired by the love of his life.
If you are married, I hope this Valentine’s and even beyond, there will be lots and lots of love and respect happening in your marriage.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
